he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
