at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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