i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
