RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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