There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize