Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
