Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
