Its about making memories worth repressing
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I want to fling myself into the sun
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
