I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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