Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
