Are we in a gay sports bar?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
