we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
50% drunk capacity currently
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
