Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
