If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize