I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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