she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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