I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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