i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
