i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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