Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
