If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
