So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
