I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize