best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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