Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
