Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
