I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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