Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
