it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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