Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was like eating out sand paper
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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