This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
