Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
its liver damage thursday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
