I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
