i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
