I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
