is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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