the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
