did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
