she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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