I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
