he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
