how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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