Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
