You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
