I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
