hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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