I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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