the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
