I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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