I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
