you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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