is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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