It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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