I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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