there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
