chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
