So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
