Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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