i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
