I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
