im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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