if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
