Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
