dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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