At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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